Marriage Myth #1: Forever is a Long Time
The first Marriage counseling Myth is about the length of the promise. Forever is a loooong time – for anything. It’s a long time to sit as the DMV, a long time to eat a bowl of ice cream, and a long time to form, foster and maintain a relationship with one, single person. Yes, marriage is strife with difficulties that you will face at one point or another. How you conquer these difficulties together as a couple will make a heap of difference in whether together forever is from a place of love or misery.
Think about when you first entered your relationship. Before kids, before the house, before marriage counseling was even a thought. That euphoric period in time where the relationship was intoxicating and staying in that place forever felt pretty awesome. The beginning of a relationship is an important foundational piece of its beginning, but blind to life’s brutal realities. While love does conquer all, that type of love doesn’t come without its fair share of hardships.
Marriage Counseling for Long Term Success
In Marriage Counseling, we teach how a blind eye or unresolved conflict slowly grows the weeds that eventually lead to resentment. It’s not uncommon for us to have a couple sit on our couch, soon to be married, and expressing feelings of doubt one or both of the partners may be having. We live in a culture where half of marriages end in divorce. Expressing feelings of doubt over this disheartening statistic is completely normal, if not healthy. Devoting your life to your partner is more than just an act of love, but an act of courage.
Common culture tells us that forever may be too long to be with someone. We’re shown scientific examples of how we’re not meant for monogamy and how marrying for love is only a recent thing. Culture tells us that when you’re no longer satisfied in your marriage is the time to get out. However, there’s nothing new under the sun. Plenty of examples throughout science, history, anthropology, poetry and other disciplines refute this fact. And while it’s important not to avoid the cultural realities of relationships, it’s just as important that we don’t buy into them either.
Building Love Through Marriage Counseling
Seeking marriage counseling prior to and throughout your marriage will help you and your spouse break down the timeline of forever into manageable and enjoyable bites. Building love to last a lifetime is not easy and not always pleasurable. It’s not as easy as putting a ring on it and riding off into the sunset (thanks Hollywood). Building a marriage is like becoming a co-participant in the greatest building project of your life. All the materials, resources and blueprints are available to you through family, friends, marriage counseling and God. Yes, it’s smooth sailing when it comes to planting the flowers, but as for laying the foundation and assembling the roof? Now that’s where your teamwork and dedication will truly shine.
Is forever a long time? Yes. But the chance to be more than the sum of your parts and build a beautiful life in which you and others will flourish takes time – a long time at that. And a life like this isn’t one you could ever hope to build on your own. Seeing forever as a long time to maintain a relationship is putting your mind in the wrong place to grow a healthy marriage. Rather, think of forever in marriage to your partner as not long enough.
Are you interested in seeking counseling for your marriage? Visit our Marriage Counseling page.