When I was a little kid, one thing I remember my mother kept telling me was to not forget to say please and thank you to people. When you asked someone for something it was to always be prefaced with the word please. You would never just say, “Give me that.” When someone gave you something or did something nice for you, mom would say, “What do we say to people?” To which I would reply, “Thank you.” Parents love to hear people say, “You have such well behaved children.” I know I did as a parent. It made you feel at least you did something right as a parent. Those comments would cover a multitude of sins my brothers and I would commit at home.

Teaching Manners and the Decline of Civility

Teaching manners at home helped put a veneer of civility over the culture then. This is something that is sadly missing now. The way people speak to and treat each other in public says much about the culture on a broader level. This civility and kindness is especially important for those in any kind of leadership role. They are influencers (we had influencers in my day before Tik-Tok and social media) of others both young and old. People would always say things in private they would never say in public. But there were moral standards for what could be said or done over the public airways on television or the movies. Now with the advent of personal computers, smart phones, the internet and all the forms of social media all of that seems rather old-fashioned.

Are Manners Still Relevant in Modern Society?

Many people now see such manners and conduct codes as something to be mocked or ridiculed. “It just isn’t relevant to today’s modern world” they will say. But is that really true? Are we as a society in better shape for jettisoning these social mores for the sake of being a more “progressive people?” I would argue that we aren’t. The mental health of both young and older people is in much worse shape than it was 50 to 60 years ago. I am going to speak anecdotally now as a mental health professional and one who observes both our culture as well as tries to be somewhat up with current events.

The Mental Health Crisis in Today’s Culture

We have a huge increase in anxiety and depression among both youth and adults. This spiked during covid but was even high before that. We have epidemics in addictions, obesity, autism, crime and pornography. Our families, the foundation of our society, are crumbling from the effects of divorce, materialism, government policies that penalize marriage and the working middle class that make our country function. We work more but our money buys less. To try and make sense of all this busyness we turn to sports, entertainment, things or our technology. We no longer talk to each other (real people in real time). Even within our own family. People will sit in the same room and text each other. We no longer have the evening family meal where we reconnect and find out about each other’s day and life; talk about current events and as parents look for teachable moments.

The Cost of Busyness and Losing Time for Reflection

We are too busy to take time to think and reflect. Socrates said, “The unexamined life is not worth living. We live at an unsustainable pace. At a pace which God never intended for us to live. That is one reason too many people have no time for God. How ironic is that. The Creator of life, the one who can show us through his principles how to make life work, how to make sense of it, how to find meaning in it – we his created beings can’t seem to find time in our life for him. So we keep muddling along making a mess of
this wonderful gift we call life. We have forgotten the principle of the sabbath. A day each week where we take time to rest, reset and reflect upon God and our life. This will bring clarity to our life.

Small Principles That Shape Culture: The Disney and Giuliani Examples

Wow, we started out talking about please and thank you. How did we end up in such heavy stuff? Allow me to tie this together by talking about two principles that teach the same truth. I call them the “Disney principle” or the “Rudy Giuliani principle.” If you have ever been to Disney World you will notice there is an army of people who do nothing but sweep up and throw away trash. It is always neat and clean there so folks enjoy coming to such a pleasant environment. They learned when a place is neat and clean people are more prone to keep it that way by putting their own trash in the garbage can.

Rudy Giuliani became mayor of New York city when there was a bad crime problem and the city looked run down. His first step in fixing the problem was to repair all the broken windows. Same principle, create a clean, safe looking environment and people would be more prone to take pride in the city, keep it that way. This same principle carried over to crime. Stop the people from little crimes like jumping the subway turn styles instead of paying. This led to stopping the big crimes.

Healing Division Through Small Acts of Kindness

We are a divided country that focuses more on what divides us rather than what unites us. Many politicians see this as a way to turn us against each other so they can maintain their political power. So they use hate-filled speech, demonizing and depersonalizing those who don’t agree with them. All this anger and hatred leads to feeling it is alright to kill those with whom you disagree. Please and thank you are such small acts of kindness. Anyone can do them. Maybe this would be a good place to start in turning our society around to a place where it is like what Jesus told us to be like. Love God and love your neighbor as yourself. My mom, like God would be so proud of us.