A frequent comment I hear is, “I know what to do; I know what to do.” However, people still regularly do not do what they know they need to do. In my experience, people who make statements such as this are frustrated but unconsciously resistant to exploring their issues on a deeper level.

When you cannot do what you know to do, I can assure you there is some sort of legitimate, emotional block to doing what you ‘know to do’. If you find yourself in this pattern, I would encourage you to be open-minded and, as I say, “Replace criticism with curiosity.”

There is always a very good reason we cannot do what we know to do. An example of this would be someone who cannot seem to lose weight. As a trauma therapist, I have worked with many women who have been sexually abused. Often, there is a fear that if I become thin and attractive this will potentially make me a target for another assault. Then a part of this person will resist losing weight and sabotage the efforts of the part of the person that wants to lose weight. Typically, this outside of the person’s conscious awareness; they are not doing it intentionally. I could provide numerous examples of things such as this that trigger internal conflict.

The important thing to remember is to be kind to yourself and work towards identifying the source of your inner conflict and self-sabotage. The characteristic thing people do is shame and label themselves. If you are engaging in self-sabotage, there is an adaptive purpose to it. It is not that your core self does not want to achieve your goals.

We live in a cause and effect universe. Every behavior has an intended purpose. I would admonish and encourage each person to stop shaming themselves, get curious, and seek support to identify the cause of their internal conflict and self-impeding behavior in order to finally overcome these negative patterns and achieve your goals and aspirations.