There must be something wrong with me. What is it about me? These are comments I hear from many of my clients that find themselves repeatedly victimized in some way. Numerous clients I have worked with over the years have been repeatedly assaulted or taken advantage of. Why this happens to some and not others is a complicated question. However, over the years I have found one of the primary contributors to this pattern is a fixed freeze response that develops from early experiences of trauma and abuse.

 

Whenever we face an actual or perceived threat to our physical or psychological sense of self, nature has evolved various systems that initiate a response we believe will be most adaptive to achieving safety or resolution to the threat. These defenses have evolved over time and can best be summarized as secure attachment, fight, flight, and various freeze states. The most evolved of these states is secure attachment, and the most primitive is the freeze state.

 

There is a process in the brain known as neuroception in which the brain will instantaneously decide which of these states is most adaptive to my survival. If we can access someone safe and responsive, such as a parent, spouse, friend, etc., they will help us successfully navigate the situation or emotional state we are challenged with to resolution. Unfortunately, far too many children experience neglect and abuse of various types. In the majority of these instances, they lose or do not have access to attachment, and fight or flight is not a viable option. This results in the activation of our most primitive defense: dissociation.

 

The freeze response, dissociation, occurs on a continuum. Everything from feeling numb and disconnected, to being immobilized with fear, to feeling outside of my body and that things are not real, to ultimately splitting off a memory or part of self outside of conscious awareness. Whatever had to dissociate, whether an emotion, memory, sense experience or part of self, now becomes frozen in time in the nervous system. Now in the present, anything that is even remotely associated with the original event will activate what was dissociated and cause it to come in as a felt sense in the body – body memory. This will result in either the dissociative process initiating again or an extreme fight or flight response, which causes an overreaction of fear, panic, or anger to what is triggering it in the present moment. This is what is commonly referred to as flashbacks.

 

In regard to individuals recurrently being re-victimized in some way, I frequently find a chronic activation of the freeze response. This will usually start with a lack of reaction to a minor boundary violation, such as an unprofessional or inappropriate comment by someone. The person will typically be caught in confusion and self-doubt as to whether this was a violation of some manner or not. The brain releasing internal opiates is part of the dissociation process and is what contributes to the disorientation and confusion. After a period of time, the person will become more aware they are angry at what occurred and often become angry at themselves for not responding. Those who are likely to take advantage of the lack of response will take note of this and begin to push the boundaries further each time until there is a major escalation, such as crossing a physical or sexual boundary. The additional assault will then only reinforce the freeze response setting the person up for continued victimization.

• John Hawkins Jr., M.S., L.M.H.C.