Top 100 Premarital Counseling Questions Posted on October 10, 2023, updated on March 4, 2024 by Dr. John Hawkins, Sr. Attending premarital counseling is a proactive step to prepare for a harmonious marital journey, enhance mutual understanding, and lay the foundation for a lasting relationship. If you’re new to premarital counseling, you might be curious about the kind of questions that will be explored or what queries you should be raising with your counselor. The premarital counseling questions you and your partner delve into will largely hinge on what you both aim to understand or address before taking the marital plunge. You might wish to discuss subjects like future family planning, values alignment, or managing finances together. Below are various premarital counseling questions curated to offer clarity and insight. They are organized by topic for ease. We initiate with questions to ponder prior to your first premarital counseling session, succeeded by inquiries you might want to present to your counselor. The list further encompasses questions on communication, intimacy, roles in marriage, finances, and several other pivotal areas. Before the Premarital Therapy Questions Why do we feel the need for premarital counseling? What are our biggest fears or concerns about marriage? What do we hope to achieve through counseling? Are there specific topics or issues we want to ensure we cover? How open are we to change and compromise? Premarital Counseling Questions to Ask the Therapist What is your approach to premarital counseling? How many sessions do you typically recommend? What success rate have you had with couples you’ve counseled? How do you handle confidentiality in your sessions? Can you provide references or testimonials from previous clients? Premarital Counseling Questions About Communication How do we communicate when we’re upset with each other? Are there topics we avoid discussing? Why? How can we improve our listening skills? What are our primary love languages? How can we ensure we maintain open communication throughout our marriage? Premarital Counseling Questions About Conflict Resolution How do we currently resolve conflicts? What triggers most of our disagreements? Do we have unhealthy patterns of arguing? How can we develop a fair and effective way to resolve conflicts? Are there unresolved issues we need to address? Premarital Counseling Questions About Finances How do we plan to manage our finances jointly? What are our individual financial goals? How will we address debt or loans? What are our views on saving and investing? Do we have a budget, and if not, should we create one? Premarital Counseling Questions About Intimacy and Affection How do we define intimacy in our relationship? Are there aspects of our intimate life we’re concerned about? What are our needs and boundaries regarding affection? How do we plan to keep intimacy alive in our marriage? Do we have any fears or concerns related to intimacy? Premarital Counseling Questions About Roles and Responsibilities How do we envision dividing household responsibilities? Do we have traditional or modern views about marital roles? How will we handle decision-making in our marriage? How will we balance our personal, work, and family time? What are our expectations from each other in our day-to-day lives? Premarital Counseling Questions About Family and Children Do we plan to have children? If so, how many? What are our views on parenting and discipline? How do we feel about involvement from in-laws and extended family? How do we plan to manage challenges related to our families of origin? What traditions or values do we want to pass on to our children? Premarital Counseling Questions About Religion and Spirituality What are our individual religious or spiritual beliefs? How do we plan to incorporate these beliefs into our marriage? Are there potential conflicts related to our religious practices? How do we want to handle religious holidays and traditions? What role will spirituality play in our family life? Premarital Counseling Questions About Growth and Goals What are our individual personal and professional goals? How do we plan to support each other in achieving these? How will we handle potential career changes or relocations? What are our joint goals as a couple? How do we envision growing together in our marriage? Premarital Counseling Questions About Trust and Boundaries How do we define trust in our relationship? Have there been instances of mistrust, and how did we handle them? What are our boundaries with friends, colleagues, and the opposite sex? How do we feel about privacy in our relationship? What actions or behaviors would be deal-breakers in our marriage? Premarital Counseling Questions About Health and Well-being How do we prioritize our physical and mental health? Are there any health concerns we should be aware of? How do we support each other during challenging times? What are our views on seeking therapy or counseling in the future? How can we ensure we maintain our well-being throughout our marriage? Premarital Counseling Questions About Long-Term Vision Where do we see ourselves in 10, 20, or 30 years? How do we envision our retirement years? What are our dreams for our family’s future? How will we handle potential life challenges, like illnesses or career changes? How do we want to be remembered as a couple? This list covers a wide range of topics crucial for couples to discuss before marriage. Adjustments can be made based on the couple’s unique needs and situations. Premarital Counseling Questions About Long-Term Vision Do we have a shared dream destination or experience we want to achieve together? How will we handle the potential passing of close family members? How do we envision supporting our children (if any) as they grow older and possibly start their families? What are our plans if we need to care for aging parents? How do we feel about the possibility of renewing our vows in the future? Premarital Counseling Questions About Personal Growth How do we plan to foster personal growth in each other? Are there hobbies or skills we want to learn together? How will we handle it if one of us undergoes a significant personal change? How can we ensure we grow together, rather than apart? How do we feel about taking breaks or retreats for personal or marital growth? Premarital Counseling Questions About External Influences How do we handle external pressures or unsolicited advice about our relationship? What role do our friends play in our relationship and marriage? How will we address potential challenges or disagreements that arise from external influences? How do we feel about seeking couples’ therapy or workshops to strengthen our marriage? What boundaries will we set for external influences, including social media? Premarital Counseling Questions About Shared Experiences What shared experiences do we value most? How often do we plan to have date nights or couple activities? What traditions do we want to establish or continue as a couple? How do we plan to keep our relationship fresh and avoid monotony? Are there any bucket list experiences or adventures we want to pursue together? Premarital Counseling Questions About Crisis Management How will we handle crises or unexpected challenges in our marriage? In the event of unforeseen financial difficulties, what’s our contingency plan? How do we handle grief or loss as a couple? What are our strategies for managing prolonged stressors, such as health issues or job losses? How can we ensure we provide the needed support to each other during tough times? Premarital Counseling Questions About Social Life How do we balance our social life with couple time? What are our views on spending time with friends separately vs. together? How do we handle situations where one of us doesn’t gel with the other’s friends? What boundaries will we set regarding our social lives? How will we integrate our respective social circles? Premarital Counseling Questions About Personal Space How do we feel about having personal space or “me time”? How can we communicate the need for personal space without offending each other? How will we ensure that personal time doesn’t encroach on our time as a couple? Are there specific activities or rituals we each want to maintain independently? How can we respect and understand the significance of personal space in our marriage? This comprehensive list of 100 questions is designed to encourage deep conversations and understanding between couples. These questions can be adapted based on the unique dynamics and needs of each relationship.
