No matter how much you talk about parenting with your spouse, the reality is much different once you have children. And this makes perfect sense—how can you possibly imagine every single hypothetical situation before you become a parent?

You can’t. That’s why I always remind people: seeking parental or family counseling doesn’t make you a bad parent.

You see, most couples discuss their broad views on raising children. But you can’t be expected to think of every specific thing ahead of time. So, it’s no wonder parents often clash when it comes to parenting styles.

I speak from experience when I say parental battles are far more common than you might think. Coming to a mutual understanding on the role of a wife or husband in parenting is the only way forward.

What are the Roles of the Husband and Wife in a Family?

The roles of the husband and wife in a family vary depending on your situation. There just isn’t a one-size-fits-all list that works for every single mom and dad.

The thing is, men and women tend to have different perspectives. In my counseling experience, moms look at the world in relation to their children. What I mean by that is moms want to protect their children from the evils of the world.

Dads, on the other hand, expect their children will be forced to grapple with these evils sooner or later. Rather than shield children, fathers often want to equip kids for external dangers.

With this in mind, is it really any surprise that parental disagreements are so common? It’s perhaps the best reason to try out family or parental counseling: a neutral third party will bridge the gap between these two opposite perspectives.
When it comes to a parent’s biblical role, your biggest duty is teaching your children about Jesus—both in word and in action. Fathers and mothers are both God’s home authority. You both serve the role of nurturing your children on a godly path and steering them clear of ungodly ways.

A Mother’s Biblical Role

One way we can glorify our Lord is through the gift of motherhood. As a mother, you’ll have endless opportunities to grow your understanding of God’s grace, love, and mercy.

This is one of many reasons the Bible teaches mothers to point their children towards Christ. Your role in doing so is modeling character and faith, praying for your children, and training them to be wise—even once they’re adults.

As a mother, you mustn’t forget that you’re also a wife. Even after you have children, the Bible teaches us to prioritize the Lord and your spouse before your children. Remember that doing so will help you and your husband stay aligned on your parenting roles.  

When you honor your husband’s role, you both submit to him and serve as his companion.

Submission doesn’t mean replying with “Yes, dear” to his every whim, though. A submissive wife and mother is both supportive and respectful to her husband. And when you disagree on parenting, you remember everything is in God’s hands.

A Father’s Biblical Role

Above all, a father’s biblical role is to be the provider. In Genesis 2:15, God entrusts caring for the Garden of Eden to Adam. Why? Because anything Adam produced became provisions for his family.

But it’s about more than putting food on the table. Our Lord teaches us that fathers must act with unselfish love.

As the provider, a father is also the head of your family. It’s not so much about power and control, but responsibility. Your family is tested every day, by things big and small—whether dealing with tantrums, bad grades, or acting out, a father’s role is leading by example.

Amidst all of this, a father leads his family to align with God; leads his wife and children to flourish with His blessing. Fathers are to succeed where Adam failed. While Adam didn’t stop Eve from listening to the serpent, you must be the spiritual leader in your household.

What Should the Order of Priorities Be in Your Family?

The order of priorities in your family, according to the Bible, should be something like this:

• Love the Lord your God with all your heart
• Your spouse (this goes for husbands and wives!)
• Your children
• Your own mother and father
• The rest of your family
• Your Brothers and Sisters in Christ
• Everyone else in the world

As Christians, God is the most important priority in each of our families. He energizes us and gives us the power to uphold all of our other family priorities.

What Do You Do When Spouses Disagree About Parenting?

If you and your spouse disagree when it comes to parenting, the best path forward is this: Try to remove your own expectations and see things from your partner’s side.

In my experience, even the simplest disagreements regarding children are bigger than they appear. For example, many couples feel one person is the “strict” parent while the other is more “laid-back.” When you adopt this mentality—even if you don’t consciously realize it—every single decision becomes a perfect storm.

Believe me, I know how hard it can be to let go of your emotions and really put yourself in your partner’s shoes. Even married couples without children struggle to meet on “neutral ground” sometimes.

If you and your spouse are too emotionally charged to navigate this on your own, I encourage you to try out counseling together.

In a safe space with an unbiased mediator, you can finally come to a mutual agreement about your parenting roles. Just call us at (561) 468-6464 to learn more or book your session.