In any given moment we have two options: to step forward into growth or step back into safety. Abraham Maslow 

One definition of death I read was the absence of positive change and growth. When we die everything stops but the decay of our physical body. The problem with many people is they are “dead men walking.” They have died before they have died because they have stopped growing. Usually I am seeing people to help them fix problems from their past that are interfering with their present growth. Problems that in many cases they didn’t cause but problems that are keeping them from becoming the best version of themselves in several areas. 

The Old and New Normal 

Why do people keep doing things that they know don’t work? Why do they not execute on plans or dreams they have for a better future? It is because the old normal is comfortable and known. They are used to it and know what to expect, even though it isn’t working to help them achieve what they say they want in life. The “old normal” isn’t as scary as taking the leap of faith into the new and unknown “new normal.” 

Change is the one constant of life. Many businesses and entertainers realize they must re-invent themselves on a regular basis to stay relevant and in business. Otherwise they will lose out to some new start up company or a new fresh face or voice in the entertainment world. Why do some businesses and people last for decades and others disappear? The ones who disappear have settled for the status quo because it is easier and more comfortable. The others are willing to push out of their comfort zone to stretch and grow. Over the course of a lifetime we will be presented with the option of pushing into the unknown or staying with what we know. 

Change Is a Constant in Life 

These times of transition are always the most difficult times in our life. The unknown creates fear which is the opposite of faith. We feel up in the air and out of control. It can be a scary feeling. This is a living world so nothing stays the same. The healthiest and happiest people in life are those who have learned how to handle change. They have mastered the ability to transition from their old normal into their new normal. This requires identifying the losses associated with the old normal and experience and going through the grief emotions associated with the losses. Then I am able to let go of the old normal and move into my new normal. Now, I begin to identify what is positive about this new normal. Once I can see the positives then I can start to recognize new possibilities. This is the art of making lemonade out of lemons. It determines whether I become bitter or better in life. 

Perspective – Reframe The Change 

This is what we call perspective in life. You know, is the glass half full or empty. It is all in how I choose to look at the situation. I always say, “If you are feeling something, you are thinking something.” In most cases it is my mind, my thoughts that create my emotions. I can choose how I am going to think. It is one

of the few things we have control over. It was Abraham Lincoln who said, “People are about as happy as they make up their mind to be.” Stress isn’t what happens to me, it is how I choose to respond to what happens to me. The Apostle Paul put it this way: 

See that no one repays anyone evil for evil, but always seek to do good to one another and to everyone. Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. 1 Thessalonians 5. 15 – 16. 

That is a great reframe for whatever negative event you experience. Now, is that always my first response in times of trouble? No. I don’t want to do good, rejoice, pray or give thanks in all circumstances. We are human and sometimes it takes us some time to process this mindset. However, once we get there we will 

handle the change better and be happier in our new normal. Sometimes we just have to tell ourselves how we are going to choose to think. When that doesn’t seem to be working that is what the prayer part and God’s grace is for. God can do for us what we can’t do for ourselves. Here is a good prayer for when you are struggling to accept a change: 

Lord, I am willing to be made willing. Pray that a few times and see what God does for you. 

Resilience – The Key To The Best You 

Resilience is the ability to bounce back from adversity. It is a trait we learn from going through adversity. Something many parents are unwilling to allow their children to experience. They want to solve every problem, keep them from every hurt and life disappointment. Never allow their feelings to get hurt or compete in something and lose. Stand up for what they believe and get ridiculed for it. They won’t even allow them to play outside, pet a dog or eat dirt and wonder why they have a weak immune system. This isn’t training them for real life. 

Life lesson – life is tough, competitive, most people won’t care about your feelings, it isn’t fair and no one owes you anything in life. There are no free rides or lunches. Now maybe you grew up a spoiled trust fund baby and everything was handed to you. But that isn’t real life for most people. I’m not saying never help your kids. But train them with life skills for the real world. Teach them how to work and the value of money. That is why there are too many 30 year old “teenagers,” staying up all night playing video games on their parents couch, not working a job and can’t figure out what to do with their life. They are afraid of failure so they won’t launch as adults. They haven’t figured out how to put away childish things and become an adult. 

How do we build resilience into our children? Why not try the God model. He meets us where we are and loves us unconditionally. That being said, he doesn’t leave us the way we are. He tells us he created us with a specific design for each of us. He uses people and circumstances, both good and bad, to shape our life. 

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. Romans 8.28

God isn’t saying everything that happens to us in life is good. This is a broken world so bad things can happen to us. But because he is sovereign over all he can turn even the bad things into something good for us. When we respond correctly he can give us our best life now no matter what anyone else is trying to do to us. So, we learn resilience by going through tough times. But we can count on him to bring us through the tough times for our betterment. 

The Fog of War 

Things rarely go as planned in life. Whether the coach’s game plan, our life plan or the general’s battle plan. That’s why they refer to it as the fog of war. Once the enemy is engaged, the bullets start flying and all hell breaks loose, nothing goes as planned. Then we are left to adapt and improvise. Don’t freak out and forget the mission. Life is the same way. We can’t wait for the perfect time, conditions or product. There are many things we won’t have control over and won’t know what they are until we begin to execute the plan. 

Make a plan, do your due diligence then pull the trigger and execute. Along the way, adjust, adapt and improvise and improve along the way. Don’t allow perfection to become the enemy of performance. Don’t fall victim to analysis paralysis. It isn’t ready, aim, aim, aim – sometimes you have to fire. Don’t be impulsive, runoff half-cocked or fail to listen to wise advice. But there comes a time you have to jump out of the plane and pull the rip cord. You have to get out of the boat and walk on the water. Execution is the difference between doers and dreamers. Or to put it another way fear is the enemy. 

In 1933, FDR was delivering his inaugural address to the nation gripped in the fear of the Great Depression. He was presenting his plan to deal with this economic crisis and give the people hope. Probably one of the best known lines from this speech was when he said; 

The only thing we have to fear is fear itself. 

He was likening the situation to a war. Challenging the patriotism of the people to believe in the plan, work together and we would come out of the crisis. Whether or not you agreed with his politics, the idea was to make a plan and execute on it. Fear becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Don’t allow the fear of the unknown new normal keep you from pushing yourself to grow into the best you possible. Contact Gateway Counseling today so schedule a session.