There is a force and capacity that resides inside each of us that is a counter to fear, trauma, abuse, and shame. This power or energy is intact no matter how wounded you are or what you have been through. It only needs the smallest of an opening to come through and initiate healing, strength, and access to capacities people are often unaware they even possessed.

 

If you could sit with me daily and observe this phenomenon, you would be amazed. It is unbelievable. One of my favorite things as a therapist is to help a person connect to this energy, have a transformational experience, and watch as they sit there amazed and dumbfounded as to what just happened. One of the most influential clinicians to my work is a woman named Diana Fosha who developed a model of therapy named, Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy. She terms this “Transformance” and teaches therapists to be on the lookout for transformance strivings.

 

If you are not focused on searching for these strivings, you will often miss them. An example of a transformance striving would be someone who had to block their anger as a child to protect themselves from abuse or abandonment. Now as an adult they are typically passive, conflict avoidant, and regularly allow themselves to be taken advantage of. They come to me complaining of depression and a lack of fulfillment in their life. After I identify one of the contributing factors to their current state is blocked anger, I begin to track and notice anywhere they exercise any level of healthy anger and assertiveness. Even though they do not often stand up for themselves, they disclose to me a small incident of doing so. I then point this out to them and work to get them more and more emotionally connected to the experience of taking this action until the energy of their core anger begins to spread throughout their body. This has always been there but latent due to the need to block it earlier in life. As this energy expands and increases, it creates what is known as neuroplasticity, which is the development of new neural connections and changes in the brains neural structure. This is the underlying mechanism of real transformation.

 

Let me give you a real-life example that may be more moving than explaining neuroscience. I recently worked with a client that had been struggling with a fear of aloneness and feelings of inadequacy. For years, they would use drugs or alcohol to cope with their emotional pain. However, this individual was desperately trying to remain sober. They disclosed to me they were recently triggered when spending time alone and began to obsess about drugs and alcohol. We explored this incident for a period of time and identified a fear of ending up in a helpless state of overwhelming sadness and shame. I instructed them to focus on the moment that was most distressing from the incident and to see it in their mind’s eye. I then asked them where they felt the energy in their body, which was in their chest. As they focused on their body sensation, they also began to gaze at a certain spot in the room. I further instructed them to keep their gaze in this location and track and notice whatever came into their awareness, such as body sensations, emotions, images, memories, and spontaneous thoughts. They quickly went from the memory of being alone and triggered to a scene of being by a lake where they grew up. The images then began to include family and friends. A moment later tears began to run down my client’s face. I asked them what they were noticing, and they told me their deceased grandparents had approached, as well as their childhood dog.

 

Simultaneously, their anxiety had diminished and been replaced by an ever-increasing calmness and expansive positive energy. My client stated they felt as if they had taken a Valium, and the feeling was intoxicating. This is what we refer to as a core state experience. It is deeply emotional and spiritual. While in this state, I asked the client if they had any desire to use drugs or alcohol. They asserted, “Absolutely not!” The general response I get from people is they want to learn how to attain this state on their own and more frequently. The way we access this state is by processing our core emotions to completion. This is one motivation for learning how to deal with your core emotions.

 

One of the things I would point to is that we did not work through any of this client’s underlying fears or emotional traumas to achieve this core state. This counterforce of “Transformance” is more powerful than the negative and painful affective states. It resides in each of us and is just waiting for a crack of daylight to emerge. This is one of the most encouraging things to me as a therapist. I attempt to set the stage for these types of experiences in the first session. The example I just used was from the first individual session I did with this client.

 

What often creates the opening is typically a safe relationship. Each of us can offer a level of safety to another, which creates the potential for this positive force to emerge. Everything you need to heal and transform your life is already inside of you. We just need a little relational support to fully tap into it. Outside of that, you lack nothing. Never forget that.