A heart-breaking question I have been asked many times by clients has been, “Is it too late for me to heal or change?” My resounding answer is definitely YES! I have found there are two types of clients in particular that ask me this question: those who are just beginning to work on themselves; and those who have worked on themselves for a considerable period of time but have achieved little or no significant change.

 

To the former group, I point to the fact they have not experienced a shift because they have not been actively working on change. The typical counter response is, “There is just so much,” “I’ll never overcome it all.” To this, I reply, “You don’t have to resolve all your issues to obtain positive change.”

 

I know that if a person has navigated so many difficult life circumstances, they have many strengths and resiliencies, even if they are not aware of them or identify them as strengths. My focus and mission is to painstakingly search for, identify, and expand these resources. This is my primary emphasis in the early sessions. You don’t have to overcome the ‘bad stuff’ to get the ‘good stuff’. Having affirmative experiences beginning in the first session is the antidote to ‘there is too much to overcome’. When this occurs, I no longer have to convince my client; they just experienced the positive shift.

 

When working with the group that asserts they are a hopeless case, I outline what has been missing in their efforts. In my experience, the drive to heal and change has been there. They have just not been receiving the right help and information. As I have mentioned before, so much of therapy is ineffective due to the fact it is primarily focused on talking and listening rather than present-centered, felt experience. This is what truly changes things. Again, I create an environment to have experiential encounters from the very beginning. I know of no better means to induce hope and motivation than to have an impactful experience from the very first session.

 

These micro shifts often become macro shifts even in the initial stage of therapy. As a trauma specialist, there have been numerous times I have sat down with a client who has gone to therapy for years, and sometimes decades, and they have completely resolved their presenting issue in one or a handful of sessions. This is not because I am so brilliant but is due to the fact I was able to assist them in accessing the healing force that resides in all of us. I can assure you whatever you have been through you can completely heal from it. Our innate capacity to heal is unlimited.

 

It is never too late! You just need the right support and help. Stay focused on what you want to achieve and hang on to your hope. Anyone can contact me anytime to find out more about what is possible.

 

• John D. Hawkins Jr., M.S., L.M.H.C.