The Role of Positive Psychology

Positive psychology is a relatively newer field of psychology focused on being happy in life. Two traits of people that are mutually exclusive are happiness and anger. You don’t see happy angry people. Many people will be happy at times and at other times they may be angry. But you don’t find people consistently happy and angry at the same time. They are usually one or the other. What kind of person would you like to be? Today let’s focus on how to help you be happier. 

The Bible: A Source for Mental Health and Happiness

The bible is one of the best books on psychology and mental health. I do hold to a couple of foundational truths. One is, there is a God. Two, he created each of us for a unique design or purpose for our life. Based on these truths it would be logical to assume that God would reveal to us how to discover and live out this design. We call this revelation the bible. In following God’s principles in this book we will discover our best and happiest life both now and forever. 

Wisdom from Ecclesiastes on Anger

There is a book in the bible called Ecclesiastes. It was written by a man named Solomon. It deals with the meaning of life and is packed with wisdom for discovering a happy life. Here is one example of his wisdom: 

Be not quick in your spirit to become angry, for anger lodges in the heart of fools. 

Well, that is pretty plain and to the point; anger equals being a fool. Therefore, don’t be quick to anger. There are plenty of people who have a hair trigger. It doesn’t take much to light their fuse. This can be for many reasons but God isn’t addressing the reasons. He is just telling us to not be an angry fool. God also isn’t telling us to never get angry. There is such a thing as righteous anger. Jesus showed this a couple of times during his earthly ministry when he drove the money changers out of the temple. God is telling us to be angry and not sin. 

The Problem with Anger and Foolishness

So the emphasis here is on not being an angry fool. A fool in the biblical sense is someone who will not listen to God or anyone giving wise advice. They know it all and are unteachable. They are only interested in doing what they want to do , when they want to do it. One major cause of anger is blocked goals. So people who want everything their way or want to control things will be angry a lot. Because you can’t control all people, and will often experience people blocking your goals. This is one issue behind road rage. 

The Impact of Anger in Relationships

For the same reason, the inability to control someone, anger often rears its ugly head in relationships. Most of the time I can’t even control myself, why would I think I could control another person? When I act out of anger I usually regret it because it results in poor decisions. The thinking , rational part of my brain was designed for decision making; not the emotional part of my brain.

How the Brain Reacts to Anger

These two parts of my brain don’t work at the same time. When one is on, the other part is off. The thinking part was designed for higher executive functions, self-control, objective processing and making rational decisions. This is the last part of my brain to come fully on line around age 25 or 26. The lower limbic brain was designed for emotions, sensing danger and survival. It puts me into flight or fight mode temporarily so I get away from danger and survive. It isn’t designed for intelligent conversations and decision making.

The Chaos of Living from Emotions

When I learn to constantly function out of my emotional brain I will turn small problems into big ones. My life will be filled with constant drama and chaos. It will become more complex and stressful. I will not be a happy person. In turn I will become attracted to like minded angry and dysfunctional people.

The Risk of Dysfunctional Relationships

I won’t feel normal or know how to interact with emotionally healthy people. I will feel bored with the lack of drama and chaos. I can feel unworthy of healthy people and fear they will soon reject the real me. This fear can cause me to sabotage the relationship. All I am left with is dysfunctional, unhealthy or abusive relationships and these will never make me happy. 

Mastering Emotions and Finding Peace

Whoever is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit, than he who takes a city- Proverbs 16.32. 

One key to success in life is to first conquer yourself. Bring my anger and other unhealthy emotions under control. A great starting point for this is to first acknowledge there is a God who loves me and has a design for my life. By learning how to love the God who loves me I can learn to see myself the way God sees me. This can help remove self-anger which is at the root of many people’s anger.

The Power of Forgiveness

The other help is to receive God’s forgiveness into my life. This enables me to forgive others for their wrongs to me. My wrong towards God is greater than any wrong others have inflicted upon me. Because I have been forgiven the greater debt, I can forgive others the lesser debt. 

Final Thoughts: Finding Happiness

These two little truths can go a long away toward removing anger and restoring happiness in your life. If we can help you further in this matter contact us at gatewaycounseling.com.