Think you’ve finally found “the one” you want to spend the rest of your life with? From myself and the entire Gateway Counseling Center team here in Boynton Beach, congratulations!

But as a counselor who’s spent the past five decades helping couples strengthen their bond, I know even the happiest couples should consider attending premarital counseling before planning the wedding.

You might be thinking, “Isn’t that a bit like asking for trouble?” In reality, nothing could be further from the truth.

After all, you’re on the cusp of making a decision that’ll last your entire lifetime! Stay with me as you read this blog, and in just a few minutes, you’ll understand exactly why premarital counseling is so beneficial to any relationship.

We’re Not Arguing, So Why Attend Premarital Counseling?

This is the question I hear most often when discussing premarital counseling. And I understand how, at first, these sessions can seem like putting a cast on an arm that isn’t broken.

But consider this. As adults, we’re generally supposed to have annual exams with our physician—even if we feel just fine. This is to uncover any symptoms you may not have yet noticed and to discuss your long-term health goals.

Premarital counseling functions in much the same way. Every session gives you a clearer picture of what to expect down the road. Plus, you’ll also learn how to handle those hurdles before they become serious issues.

Another great reason to explore premarital counseling comes down to your experiences growing up. If no one in your life modeled a healthy marriage with strong communication skills, how can you expect to notice whether your own marriage is getting off-track?

I have one last example to really help illustrate this. When an athlete has a competition coming up—something that’ll put their strength to the ultimate test—don’t they spend months, even years, training?

When you wait until the last moment (such as a major argument) to learn how to resolve conflicts in your marriage, it’s just like showing up to the Olympics without doing any training beforehand.

Benefits of Attending Premarital Counseling Before Planning the Wedding

There are quite a few studies demonstrating the benefits and advantages of counseling, but let’s focus on the ones that’ll impact your marriage the most.

When you attend premarital counseling before you officially start planning your wedding, the benefits include:

• Confirming your partner is the right match before you pay any non-refundable deposits
• Discussing tricky topics like finances and family dynamics in a safe, constructive space
• Avoiding any embarrassment such as sending out invites just to rescind them later
• Learning how to lay a solid, strong foundation for the life you two will build
• Improving your communication and conflict resolution skills as a couple

You should also know that according to data, addressing these matters in premarital counseling leads to stronger, happier marriages.

One study even found that good communication skills mean you and your partner are more likely to have a successful marriage.

What to Expect from Premarital Counseling

For many couples, premarital counseling is a completely new experience. Even if you’ve attended individual mental health counseling before, you’ll encounter some unique elements throughout each session.

Your first appointment will be more of an assessment than anything. You and your partner will talk to the counselor about your background and how your relationship works.

These initial questions won’t be deeply personal or intimate—more along the lines of “What is working well in your relationship right now?”

After the first session, you can generally expect three main elements:

• Goal setting – Whether you want to improve communication, plan for finances, or work towards starting a family, you both need to be on the same page
• Skill building – A big focus will be learning practical skills like conflict resolution in order to keep your marriage strong no matter what life throws your way
• Homework assignments – Your counselor will likely assign you practical exercises outside of sessions, such as practicing active listening techniques at home

How to Bring Up Premarital Counseling with Your Partner

Worried that suggesting premarital counseling to your sweetheart might come across the wrong way? First of all, I commend you for empathizing with how your partner might perceive the idea.

Here are my best tips for discussing premarital counseling in a positive, constructive way:

• Pick a good moment, such as a calm, private time when your partner isn’t stressed
• Start with your intentions, specifically your desire to strengthen your relationship
• Explain specific benefits, such as the fact that couples who attend premarital counseling have a higher overall rate of marriage satisfaction
• Be open to thoroughly discussing any concerns or reservations your partner has

In practice, this might look something like choosing a calm moment at home to say:

• “I’d like to talk about something important with you. Is now a good time?”
• “I love you and I want us to have the strongest marriage possible. From what I’ve been reading, premarital counseling is a proven way to build a strong foundation. Studies have even shown that couples who do it have better marriages overall.”
• “I know you may have a few questions or concerns about this. Let’s talk through your thoughts and go from there.”

If, after this conversation, either of you have any additional questions about attending premarital counseling, I invite you to contact us here at Gateway Counseling Center in Boynton Beach. Our experienced, compassionate counselors are here to help you lay a foundation for your marriage that can weather any storm.