No marriage is completely perfect 100% of the time. And yet, the myth of being a perfect spouse is very common amongst married couples. I’d like to share an important fact: looking into marriage counseling doesn’t mean your marriage is failing.

A willingness to see a marriage counselor is a big sign of true commitment. Attending regular counseling sessions not only helps you work through any disagreements, but also brings you and your spouse closer than ever.

When it comes to marital expectations, aligning with your spouse is crucial for long-term happiness.

What are Reasonable Expectations in a Marriage?

Quite simply, reasonable expectations in a marriage are those which can be met. This looks slightly different for every couple. That said, examples of realistic expectations are:

• Being respectful
• Trusting each other
• Honoring and supporting your spouse’s dreams or goals

Pretty foundational, right? That’s exactly my point. No marriage stays strong and loving without respect, trust, and support.

So, what are unrealistic expectations? As a counselor, I say from experience that most everybody has an expectation worth changing, like:

• Spending every single moment of free time together
• Demanding your spouse structures their life around your personal desires
• Thinking it’s impossible for you to be wrong

We get these unrealistic ideas from many sources. Perhaps your parents modeled unhealthy behaviors. Or maybe you think marriage should be like your favorite romance movie. The point is, we’re surrounded by narratives that don’t align with reality.

The most important thing to remember is that you can always get back on track.

Even if mismatched expectations have caused distance to form between you and your spouse, marriage counseling can mend your relationship.

Managing Expectations with Your Spouse

Ongoing sessions with a marriage counselor is the best way to manage expectations. When you reserve therapy for emergencies only, it becomes your last resort. If you and your spouse reach this point, both of you will be emotional—maybe even resentful.

In that frame of mind, it’s hard to enjoy the full benefits therapy can offer you. Attending regular sessions gives you and your spouse a safe, judgment-free environment to check in. This helps you both grow closer, improve communication, and come to appreciate each other even more.

Best of all, regular sessions shine a light on potential issues before anyone’s feelings get hurt. Unrealistic expectations don’t have a chance to take root and form a divide.

Aligning Your Expectations with Reality

We don’t live in a perfect world. So the idea of “never fighting” and “always getting along” just isn’t realistic. In reality, our commitment to our partner is tested every day.

This isn’t to say you have wandering eyes. Think about all the trials and tribulations of a normal day. Stress at work, bad traffic, and even simple miscommunications with your spouse can affect how we think and act.

When your expectations don’t align with reality, your marriage suffers. Every time the real world isn’t up to snuff, you’re bound to feel resentment. Eventually, you completely lose touch with what a mutually satisfying marriage looks like.

And then your marriage suffers some more. This vicious cycle is one that many couples get swept up in. But if you and your spouse are stuck on this hamster wheel, you have the power to escape.

The best way to break free is this: sit down and discuss your expectations with your spouse. Be open to really listening, and to relearning realistic expectations for your marriage. You see, the gap between what you expect and what you get is one of the most stressful parts of any marriage.

When you bridge that gap—and communicate every day to keep that bridge—your marriage will flourish.

What Does the Bible Say About Expectations in Relationships?

The Bible shows God’s expectations for our relationships are much deeper than companionship. Looking at your marriage through the lens of your Christian faith can really illuminate the path forward.

Remember that marriage allows us to serve our partner’s needs. People who get married should expect not only the joy of partnership, but the duties as well. The Lord knows that when his children marry, we serve our partner to serve Him.

A Wife’s Biblical Role

The primary role of a wife is putting the Lord first in the marriage. The Bible teaches that nothing should sacrifice her relationship with Christ. Women are also to be godly, self-controlled, and pure.

When a wife serves her husband in these ways, she’s serving the Lord too. She is to follow her husband’s leadership and the example he sets for the family. Most importantly, the Bible shows us that a man’s best friend is his wife. She is to be his loving helpmate.

A Husband’s Biblical Role

A husband can’t build the faith of his wife without growing his own love of God. His strength comes from his ever-growing faith in the Lord. The Bible also teaches us that a husband should love their wife as Christ loved the church, giving Himself for her.

The biblical role of a husband also includes love, protecting, leading, and providing for his wife. As the head of the home, this is a husband’s primary role. He also sets the example for his wife and children to follow.

Do You Know What Relationship Alignment Looks Like?

I’ve covered a lot of ground with you today. You now have solid examples of both realistic and unrealistic expectations in your marriage. I also shared some tools to help you stay aligned with reality.

At Gateway Counseling, marriage counseling is our specialty. Our years of practice have shown us that nearly 90% of people would like their faith and spiritual beliefs incorporated into their treatment.

Your therapeutic journey can’t reach its full potential if your faith is ignored. That’s why we interweave Christian values into our marriage counseling.

I encourage every married couple to give marriage counseling a fair shot—even if you aren’t experiencing friction with your spouse. We can always grow to become a better partner, a better parent, and a better person. If you’re interested in learning more or would like to book your first session, just call us at (561) 468-6464.