A lot of my clients have been struggling with uncertainty in areas of their life recently. No matter how much effort they are putting in, there are things outside of their control that are causing them to sit in the tension of unresolved issues. This used to be almost unbearable for me when I was younger. Nothing will rob you of your peace and joy more than needing everything thing around you to be in order for you to be ordered internally. I wish I could tell you this is a battle I have completely conquered. However, I have come a long way in learning to accept what I cannot change and maintaining my level of peace when things cannot be resolved as fast as I would like them.

 

There are a few things I would encourage each person to do that can help you in this area. The first would be to ask yourself why it is so important whatever you are dealing with has to be completed in a certain way or time frame. I find we often have rigid expectations that most of us don’t even fully understand why we hold them. You would be surprised how frequently this is the case when I begin to question people about current struggles. The irony is when you can be more flexible about the means and timing it can open up more possible ways to achieve the desired outcome.

 

The next aspect to examine are things that are associated with the present issue, such as freedom, self-worth, security, etc. Often, the things that are correlated with your goal are the primary source of your stress. An example would be a financial struggle that causes someone to not be able to take a vacation or provide certain material things for their loved ones. They then feel like a failure or fear the loss of love and acceptance from their loved ones. In my experience, almost no one is aware these types of things are the deeper underlying issues. They are so fixated on the task at hand or current dilemma they have no realization this is the bigger concern. Once these things are identified, you can now get help facing them directly and working through them.

 

Another thing I would encourage people to do is to identify the things they can take action on and do so. If you are paralyzed by the things that are out of your control and don’t act on the things you can, you are definitely going to add to your stress. Not only is taking action more effective but it will prevent you from future regret and feel more empowering. There is a lot to be said for the different types of states we experience. If you are in a frozen and shut down state, it is hard to be successful when the opportunity to do something presents itself. Contrastingly, if you are in a more empowered state from taking action where you can, you will be much more effective when the situation to take action arises. You can also look for ‘wins’ in other areas of your life that are not related to your current challenges, such as working out consistently and spending fulfilling and meaningful time with positive family and friends. Again, this will keep you in a more empowered state increasing your ability to act effectively.

 

The final thing I would point to as a resource is your spirituality. If you believe there is a personal force that is comprised of unconditional love and that you matter to that force, meditate on this until you have a strongly felt sense you are loved and cared for and that all the circumstances in your life are happening for you and not to you. Remember, life is about who you become not what you do. Gain a bigger vision for yourself and don’t get caught in the small story.

 

–  John Hawkins Jr.